A
few weeks ago, my group at work had an outing. Before we went, I
knew it was going to be on a Wednesday, my fast day for the E5 Men. At first, I
thought about not going, or giving myself a pass this one time. But I
knew that this ‘pass’ would lead to another, then another...etc.
etc. And before you know it, this small, tangible sacrifice that I
make for my wife and daughters, is down the tubes! Then my wife suggested that I
go AND keep my fast.
“It
could be a good witness.”, she argued.
So
that’s what I did.
Part
way through the evening, one of my female co-workers asked me why I
was only drinking water. So after having her promise not to laugh, I
explained to her that I fast every Wednesday because of the E5 Men.
I explained it was based on Ephesians 5:25, where St. Paul tells men to love their wives 'as Christ loved the church, handing himself over for her.' and that even though the E5 fast is only for the first Wednesday of
the month, I fast every Wednesday of the month. One for my wife, one
for each of my daughters and one for all the women exploited in
pornography or working in strip clubs because I had contributed to those things a
lot when I was younger.
She
replied, “But it’s their choice.”
I pointed out that many of the women are addicted to drugs or have
been abused, therefore, it's not much of a choice. She said that she had some friends who did it and that
they didn’t mind it. The money is good and they enjoy it.
“Well
then”, I said, “I guess I just do it for the damage I did.”
Later
she asked, “So are you Christian?”
“Yes,
I’m Catholic.” I answered.
“Like,
REALLY Catholic?” she said.
“Well,
yes, I follow the teachings of the Church.” I replied.
Her
next question was interesting. Although I didn’t know how truly
interesting until I told my wife about the conversation later.
She
asked, “How does your wife feel about that?”
Later,
my wife would wonder (aloud) what part of my following Catholic
teaching she should find most offensive. Was it the part where I
don’t expect her to pump chemicals into herself and alter her
reproductive system so that she can be available to satisfy me
sexually whenever I want? Or the part where I don’t have a
collection of pornography or spend our family budget on exotic
dancers and strip clubs? Or maybe that pesky thing about thinking it
is my vocation to give myself to her totally and freely like Christ did for his bride, the church?
When
my co-worker asked, I had simply responded that it was my wife who actually
brought me back to the faith.
I’m
not sure what my co-worker was getting at with the question. She’s
a really nice person, so my guess would be that she wasn’t really ‘getting at’ anything. As we came into May, however, when we
celebrate the mothers in our lives, the conversation pulled my focus toward the way that meeting my
wife truly saved me.
Before
I met Kimberly, I had been on a faith journey that meandered through
‘graduating’ from Catholicism after my Confirmation, moving on to
Atheism, Agnosticism, studying Buddhist meditation and then just
figuring it was enough to be a ‘good person’.
Eventually, I felt God calling me
back, but I just hadn’t recognized it yet. I often tell the story of
when I was engaged (before I met Kimberly) and my fiancee and I were
trying out churches because if I was going to raise children, I
wanted to raise them with some kind of faith tradition. She was not interested in a strict Christian structure, so we set out to compromise. Our search ended when we walked
into a Unitarian Universalist church and I heard a wonderful
rendition of one of my grandmother’s favorite hymns, sung by a man,
in a dress. This was not the place for me. I mean, I could compromise, but...
Eventually, I broke off the engagement because I just knew she wasn’t the one.
I soon resigned myself to the idea that I may always be the 'cool bachelor uncle' having no idea the incredible blessings that God had in store for me.
When I met Kimberly, she was going to Mass with her parents and I
was not going to church at all. One weekend, her parents were out of
town and I said I would go with her. “One time”, I said, “past
that, I’m not promising anything.”
But
as soon as I walked through those doors, I was home. I felt like the
prodigal son with my Heavenly Father running out to greet me. I
looked at the inside of the church and (even though I know He’s
everywhere) I thought, “God lives here.”
From
then on I went to Mass every week with Kimberly and her family. The
next spring, Kimberly and I went through the ‘Coming Home to
Catholicism’ program at our parish and reconnected with our faith
only as an adult with full understanding could. I asked her to marry
me on Palm Sunday (because I couldn’t wait until Easter), and we
were married by the end of that year. We had started on a faith
journey that God had planned for both of us before we even knew each
other. And that journey continued. Through the years (only eight
years, mind you) that we have been together we have worked with other
Catholics returning to the faith. We learned about Pope John Paul II’s
Theology of the Body and began teaching it to teens in our
confirmation program. We learned about Natural Family Planning and
the church’s teaching on artificial contraception to find that it
is actually an incredible and beautiful truth that they are trying to
preserve and not a secret ploy to have more Catholics. Most importantly, I have grown immeasurably in my relationship with God. Our life has not been perfect, but I cannot imagine going through tough times without my wife and my faith to pull me through.
I
felt a slight calling years before I even met Kimberly and when I met her and let God begin to fulfill His plan for me, I was led
to (and I quote myself from an early blog post) “Bounty! Beyond!
Belief!”
I’m
sure it is no accident that I am writing this on the celebration of
Pentecost, when Jesus imbued the apostles with the Holy Spirit.
Without a doubt, Kimberly, our meeting, and our faith journey has
been proof of the Holy Spirit working in my life. I could never have
imagined having the life I have right now. Not because our life is perfect, but because I have an incredible wife who loves me and I have two of the most
beautiful little girls who recognize Mary instead of Lady Gaga, sing hymns instead of Beyonce songs, and have conversations like
this:
Big
sister: Did you know that Jesus is everywhere?
Little
sister: Yeah
Big
sister: Isn’t he the best?
Little
sister: Yeah
Jesus
said to bring the children to him, and my wife does that for our
family, bringing the girls to daily Mass a few times a week and teaching them about our faith at home. We were at a homeschooling conference recently (my oldest
daughter is going to be four so we’re getting a feel for how
homeschooling works) and my wife reminded me that when we first met
and I mentioned homeschooling, she thought I was kind of crazy. Now
she’s getting ready to do it and actually hoping we get the chance.
So
in this month when we celebrate mothers and the power of the Holy
Spirit, I apologize if it sounds like I am gushing. But truly, if the
Holy Spirit is the force of God’s love in the world, bringing
everyone toward Jesus and salvation, then I am totally comfortable
saying that my wife is the Holy Spirit at work in our family.
A
long time ago I was in the break room at work and I heard a young guy
say that he would never be with a girl who wanted him to change. He
left the room and me and the other guy there looked at each other.
“My wife saved my life.”, he said. “If I hadn’t changed for
her, I’d probably be dead now.”
“I
know”, I replied. “Why would you want to be with someone who
doesn’t inspire you to be a better man?”
And
we both shook our heads.
Thank
you, Kimberly, for saving me every day, and for inspiring me to live
up to my true vocation.
God bless,
P.D.O.
