Thursday, April 28, 2011

Jeremiah 29:11 the Man Has a Plan.....Always

I read a story in the newspaper (well, online on the newspaper's site, anyway) about a New Hampshire man who had jumped off a bridge to his death in Portsmouth. I don't know him or anything about him, but it affects me. It's sad to think that someone can come to a point where they don't value themselves enough to think that they are worth preserving. They think that whatever is facing them is insurmountable, or maybe they just don't have the strength to go on.

There have been times when I have felt those things too. For a period, I think the only thing that kept me from being one of those stories was that I didn't have the 'nerve'. I remember at the time my father had seen one of the poems I had written laying around and any time I was in my room for more than about ten minutes he would knock on the door to make sure I was alright. But eventually I came through it. I was lucky to have the release of time with friends and family that took the edge off of the misery.

But none of us is alone in having those times, having those 'rough patches' and questioning what the hell we are doing here. I still have those times now, only not anything like before. Now I don't see anything as insurmountable, no 'rough patch' that won't eventually, somehow, give way to a new sunrise on 'The Other Side of the Gray'. I have a wonderful wife and two amazing daughters. Not only do they depend upon me, but I wouldn't miss the adventures of our life together for anything. These are the things that make the solution that the poor man sought on the Piscataqua River Bridge unthinkable for me.

While sitting late one night at First Friday Adoration a while ago, I was feeling very unworthy. Directionless, not good enough, kind of like a failure, I guess. And as I sat there it occurred to me that no matter who you are, God had a plan when He made you.
The Creator of the universe, every planet, every star in the cosmos, "knitted you together" in your mother's womb. With all of the things in the universe that are so much larger than we are, He took the time and attention to form you in His image. Wow, you (or I) might not feel like we have a direction, but it seems to me He had a plan for us from the beginning.

" For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

And as if it weren't enough that He made each of us and sent us into the world to fulfill our purpose, He knew that we would fail from time to time, reject Him and rebel against Him. But rather than writing us off as the ingrates that we can sometimes be, He came down to us, became one of us as a helpless infant, suffered and died for our sins so that no matter what happens, if we turn back to Him, we can come home.
I would love to say that these thoughts made me realize that I am worthy and I have not felt like I wasn't good enough since that time, but that's not true. However, since then, whenever I feel that way, I am quick to recall these two powerful truths;

1. God made me for a reason
2. He died for my sins

So even if I don't feel worthy, the care and love that the Lord has lavished on me, truly on every one of us, makes me realize that even when I don't know His plan for me, it is there. When I don't feel like I love myself, He does it for me. And when I don't feel like I am doing 'enough', He thinks that the things I can do are special in their ordinary way and when I do them with His love.

It is not my job to judge where people go when they die, but I hope that God forgives that troubled man, and all that are troubled enough to feel they are not worth his gift of life and reject that gift. I can do my part and pray for them, and all who are contemplating suicide that they may see their worth and the gift that God gives them in the possibility of every new sunrise. There is nothing in this world, no personal failing, no financial catastrophe, no loss, that God's love cannot overcome and bring you through.

God bless,
P.D.O.

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